he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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