Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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