how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
should my penis look like a turkey
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
