Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm too high and old for this...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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