My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
