I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
