I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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