I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
