If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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