we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
