You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
