I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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