Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
