Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
