You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
