my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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