Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
