The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
