I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
