You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize