you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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