your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
