i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
