The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
