Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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