just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
