Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Two words: nipple clamps
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