its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
love makes seman taste better
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
