i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
