She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
