Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
