If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
