we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
