i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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