I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
