she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
