you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did I show you my penis last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
