Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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