how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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