I wanna bring you to show and tell
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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