pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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