Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
