i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
