Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So many bounce houses so little time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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