Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
