bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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