Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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