the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
