You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
