Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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