what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
barbara walters just said penis...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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