I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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