I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
