that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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