dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
