I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
