My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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