it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
