I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
