he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
