i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i came on her dog
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
