I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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