With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
