my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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