Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
