But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
