I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My balls are so social today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
