If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
