Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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