HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
