I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
