I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
