did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
