Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
