It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution