i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
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my being single is dangerous.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now