the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
