his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.