I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that