I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.