My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
