once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
