omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize