he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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