I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
