ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
