What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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