We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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