I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
